Unique, Toxic, Very Long-Term Relationship

My Significant Other

I have been in a long-term relationship

With my significant other since the mid-70’s.

There have definitely been many highs and lows.

Peaks and Valleys

Laughs and Cries

Song and Dance

Treble and Bass

Melody and Harmony

I’ve spent a lot of time

Absolutely hating my significant other

I’ve even beat him

With my pterodactyl-sized fist

I’ve cut him

With a kitchen knife

Hoping the pain would make me feel better

It didn’t

The scars are still there

They are fading

But

I can still see them

I’ve yelled AND screamed at him

At the top of my lungs

And let me tell you something

I am loud AF when I want to be!

Sometimes

I wish he would just

Once and for all

Just

Go the fuck away!

Why won’t he

Just

Leave me the fuck alone?

He’s tempted me.

He’s slighted me.

He’s laughed at me

Out loud

At the worst possible times!

He’s made me feel like the lowest of the lowest.

He’s made me feel like the belle of the ball.

Like the Disney princesses they show our children -- that clearly do not exist IRL.

Let me be honest.

On most days, he only sees me as the “funny fat friend”

Rather

The “heavy-set” girl with the dark hair in the corner office

The fat daughter

The fat sister

The fat sister-in-law

The fat aunt

The fat step-aunt

The fat niece

The fat great-niece

The fat neighbor

The fat co-worker

The fat girlfriend

The fat ex-girlfriend

The fat lover

The fat stranger in line at the grocery store buying vegetables and skim milk

Who the fuck is she kidding?

I know what you’re thinking

You’re reading this

Line

By

Line

AND

You’re straight-up judging me

You’re wondering

Wait

Why has she stayed with him for all of this time?

I will tell you why

My significant other

Is my eating disorder

It is

Only with him

That I feel most at home.

He is that worn out slipper that fits my tired, sadly swollen small feet perfectly

I am desperately

With all that I am

AND

With all that I hope to be

Trying to break this cycle

It’s vicious

It’s ugly

It’s exhausting

I’m tired

I’m mad as hell

I’m scared

Yet

I’m determined to once and for all

Get rid of the monkey on my back

Underestimate me…

That will be fun!

In the end

I will prove you wrong

I will show you that I can live and thrive in this world without him

And

Everything that comes with his baggage

He’s smothered me

And

Suffocated me and held me down for far too long

He’s been the star of the show

I want the spotlight

I want the lead role

I don’t want to be the fat girl in the back row of the choir

That no one can see

I want to be somebody to someone

I am so ready to be free

Weight for me!